In Memory of Ellen Pence

Today, Ellen Pence won her struggle with cancer.  She soared above it.  She did not let it take her soul, love, joy, beauty, or power.  She is now at peace.  Her pain is gone.  Her happiness is complete and she has finished the race with glory.  She was a mentor and friend to me and many others.  She taught me over 25 years ago to try to see the world as it should be but to never ignore how it really is.  She lived life with so much passion, determination, and humor.  She, more than most people I have ever known, changed the world.  The world is a different place because Ellen Pence invested her life in helping others.  Her work resulted in saving thousands of lives and helped break the cycle of violence for millions of people who never even heard the name “Ellen Pence”. And hundreds of communities, systems, agencies, and people altered the course of their work and lives because of Ellen.  I am one of those many.

I loved Ellen Pence.  I always will. She was beautiful inside and out.  She was brilliant. She was tireless.  She was the living embodiment of the word “advocate”.

There was never a time I saw her that she did not challenge me and encourage me all at the same time.  Last year, I had the chance to videotape with her in St. Paul for five hours.  I will cherish those hours for the rest of my life.  Battling her illness, she talked for hours and shared her views, beliefs, and lessons learned throughout her life.  At the end of the interview, I got to ask her two more questions.  First, I asked her what she thought mattered the most in her work over the years…what had the most impact on victims and their children.  She did not hesitate.  She said “support groups.”  Ellen said the most powerful impact she ever had was running support groups and helping survivors learn from each other and support each other.  Then, I asked her if she had her life to do over again what she would do differently in her work.  She said that if she could do it over again she would have invested in things that took longer to do.  She said it was a mistake to put all her eggs in the criminal justice system basket as far as systems and culture change.  But Ellen was being humble.  Her mistakes in life whatever they might have been did not in any way reduce her power or impact.  She was a giant of social change.

Of all the things I loved about Ellen, her sense of humor was near the top of the list.  She had an ability to use humor without demeaning others.  She could use sarcasm without putting people down.  And she could get anyone doing bad work with victims to laugh at themselves one minute and then change their behavior the next minute.  She could zero in on the problems in leaders and agencies and be boldly critical and insightful and they would still love her, respect her, and want to make the changes she was advocating for with them.

Ellen’s legacy will live on through the lives of family members, friends, advocates, colleagues, and thousands of others who she touched directly and indirectly.  We will never forget her, we will always revere her, and we will continue to be her voice in a world still so desperately in need of Ellen’s relentless vision.

Casey

Looking Forward Into 2012

Happy New Year, to all our friends and supporters around the world!  We wish you a year blessed with fulfilled expectations, realized dreams, and stunning accomplishments.

As we begin 2012, the Family Justice Center movement is alive and well.  This next year, more communities and agencies will look to add partners, expand service models, or develop multi-agency, multi-disciplinary Centers to serve victims of domestic violence, child abuse, sexual assault, elder abuse, and/or human trafficking than ever before.  This next year we will likely see our 100th Family Justice Center open.  We will work with committed police officers, prosecutors, advocates, elected officials, business, and community leaders in communities around the world.  We will meet survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault who have overcome violence and abuse and now celebrate safety and freedom.

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“It Is Domestic Violence Awareness Month – Are We Aware?”
By Casey Gwinn, J.D.

As we celebrate Domestic Violence Awareness Month across America, the struggle to reduce and prevent domestic violence and related sexual assault rages.  Each week this month approximately 20 women, men, children, and police officers have died in family violence related incidents (an average of four per day). Last week, the Topeka City Council decriminalized domestic violence in an effort to save money.  Sadly, many communities are prosecuting less abusers and holding less violent offenders accountable for their violence against women, children, and men even though they don’t get the attention like Topeka.  Even with strong support from the Obama Administration, less and less resources are available in local communities even as the amount and type of violence increases.  And as I write today, we are in week 12 of a series of domestic violence mass murders or near mass murders that have swept across America. Not including the daily array of murders and murder-suicides, forty-six people have died in nine domestic violence-related murders since July 8, 2011 and there has been no national media or public awareness about this epidemic of deaths.
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“First Responders”
by Gael Strack

Rolando had just fled the scene.  I watched him speed away, weaving recklessly through heavy commuter traffic on Interstate 5.  Cynthia said he was likely headed for Mexico — a mad man, consumed with rage, oblivious to everything around him.  She was sitting in the backseat of my car, crying softly.  My heart was racing. I couldn’t believe what I had just witnessed and I couldn’t believe I was the only person who was willing to stop and help Cynthia.  It was 6:51 am.  I called 911.

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The Birthday Boy
By Casey Gwinn, Esq.

It was his birthday.  He was 11 years old and all his friends were coming to the roller skating rink for the party.  The young boy was excited and happy.  What a fun day for a little boy.  His mom had worked so hard to plan the party and make sure relatives and friends would be there.  At 5:30 PM, it was anticipation and laughter and excitement.  By 6:30 PM, the air was filled with music and action and stolen glances between the boys and girls skating and celebrating the birthday boy.  But with fifteen minutes left in the party, at 7:15 PM, the exciting day took an unimaginable turn.  Dad arrived and started arguing with Mom.  And then, Dad pulled a gun and shot Mom in front of the birthday boy and his three year old sister.  As Dad stood over his dead Mom, he said, “I told you so.”  Pandemonium was everywhere as people quickly realized what was happening.  Children were running, people were screaming.  Then, Dad shot three of Mom’s family members.  The terrified little boy begged for his life as his Dad pointed the gun at him.  Dad spared his life by turning the gun and killing himself right in front of his son.

There was screaming, terror, and weeping.  People raced out of the rink with their skates still on. There was blood everywhere.  Death was the epilogue of the private birthday party.  Police arrived.  Ambulances arrived.  The birthday boy will never forget it, never get over it, and never live a day without thinking about it.  Police have not released the boy’s name. Read more »